Why Some Men Cheat
For whatever reason, women like to talk to me. I get messages on all my social media, I get e-mails and text messages. I even get phone calls. Some of the women want advice on TTC or parenting, but a lot of women want advice on how to handle their partner's cheaterization.
My number one question always is, Have you considered getting professional counsel? Because don't get it twisted, I'm not a counselor. I just have real, unbiased opinions. The answer usually is, He doesn't believe in getting counseling.
First of all, if your honey doesn't believe that he needs to make an effort to work on your marriage and work on himself, then you don't need to waste any more time on his cheating self. Boy, bye!
Secondly, why do some men keep cheating on their wives??? I think I have some possible reasons:
He felt pressured into getting married and got married too early, and now he wants to go back to living the bachelor life. Or he's just not happy to be married.
Men are weird. A man will be with one woman for years, love her with all his heart, soul and mind. The topic of marriage comes up and he suddenly feels trapped. But if he doesn't marry her, he will lose her. So he marries her. And he's unhappy. And he cheats.
With all the media coverage on engagement rings, celebrity weddings, and all the mushy gushy instagram couples' photos, it's really tempting to fall into the obsession with getting married. For the unmarried, make sure you're actually ready for marriage. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. That part. It's not about the lavish wedding. It's about the human being you're about to spend the next 50+ years with. So make sure LOVE is the driving force. But more importantly, have an open and honest conversation with him to make sure he's into it as much as you are!
He's unhappy and doesn't know how to express himself to his wife because he's worried about how she'll react. Or he's just a coward.
Everyone knows that good communication is the most important aspect of a marriage. What, you thought it was sex and/or financial stability? Nah. Because you can have the best sex in the world, the most money in the world, but if you don't know how to effectively express to your spouse that you're feeling anxious/worried/upset/sad/hurt, forget about it!
Roody and I evaluated each other every single month while we were dating. We expressed our likes/dislikes about each, wrote them down and worked on ourselves. It was during this process that I realized how awful I was. Seriously. I was hard to talk to and stubborn. Not open-minded at all and just plain old mean. 9 years later, I'm sure Roody feels more at ease talking to me about things. If he's unhappy, he knows he can talk to me about it. When I'm unhappy, I make sure I express it to him and he takes the time to sit with me to help me figure out how to be happy again.
He's not getting enough from his wife. Or he's just bored.
You know how they say marriage is about compromise? Well, that doesn't just apply to simple things like where you guys should go get lunch or whether or not the wife should buy another pair of shoes this month. If he wants to do it 5 times a week and you're just fine with doing it 1 time, you might just have to meet in the middle. Or make up for it somehow.
I actually keep a count. I know. That's weird. I have a certain number that I try to achieve. Every. Single. Month. Some months I check my calendar and I'm so proud of myself. And some months I check the calendar and I think, Oh no. My poor husband. HAHAHA. It's probably the most un-sexy thing in the whole world, but I don't care. It could save your marriage.
He's stressed out and doesn't want to stress you out, so he made the mistake of confiding in another female.
Sometimes the cheaterization happens emotionally first and then it becomes physical. A man usually prides himself in being the provider of the house. He likes to show off his strength and hates to look weak. Nothing weakens a man like stress. A man might turn to someone else when he's feeling stressed, just to hide it from his wife. Like his secretary or assistant. And then the next thing you know, he's cheating. Or at least, that's what happens in the movies. But it makes sense!
Learn to recognize the signs that your husband is under stress. Make an effort to take a load off his back once in a while. He really should just come out and say, "Babe, I'm feeling stressed." But it doesn't always happen that way.
He's just nasty. And sick.
A woman could be doing everything her husband wants her to be and it could simply just not be good enough. Because it's not about her, it's about him. He's the problem. He needs help.
Of course, I don't know it all and I'm FAR FROM PERFECT. But these are just a few ideas that came to me, based on the conversations I've been having.
Here are some other thoughts:
Ok, so she was obviously in her feelings when she gave her input (as she should be), and I don't believe men cannot control themselves. I think that excuse is worn out and we need to just throw the whole phrase away. Even my toddlers can control themselves, and they barely know what they're doing. So a grown man can control himself. He just doesn't want to, because he either doesn't think he'll get caught, or he doesn't care if he'll get caught. Point blank and the period.
See? That's what I'm talking about. Cheaters often think that their partners will never find out. Well, have you ever hear of woman's intuition?
I'd love to hear your thoughts below. Why do you think some men cheat?